<hector.zapata@xrxgsn.com>
Date: Sunday, January 07, 2001 4:23 PM
Subject: Only in America

>  ONLY IN AMERICA - NOTHING IS FUNNIER THAN THE TRUTH.
>
>       1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your
>          house faster than an ambulance.
>
>       2. Only in America......are there handicap
>          parking places in front of a skating rink.
>
>       3. Only in America......do drugstores make the
>          sick walk all the way to the back of the store to
>          get their prescriptions while healthy people can
>          buy cigarettes at the front.
>
>       4. Only in America......can a disabled combat veteran
>          sleep in a box on the street while a draft dodgers
>          sleeps in the white house.
>
>       5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors
>          open and then chain the pens to the counters.
>
>       6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth
>          thousands of dollars in the driveway and put
>          our useless junk in the garage.
>
>       7. Only in America......do we use answering
>          machines to screen calls, and then have call
>          waiting so we won't miss a call, from someone
>          we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
>
>       8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in
>          packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
>
>       9. Only in America......do we use the word
>          'politics' to describe the process so well:
>          'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics'
>          meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
>
>      10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM
>          machines with Braille lettering.
>
>          In case you needed further proof that the human
>          race is doomed through stupidity, here are some
>          actual label instructions on consumer goods:
>
>       1. On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping".
>          [Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair]
>
>       2. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be winner! No
>          purchase necessary. Details inside".
>          [Evidently, the shoplifter special]
>
>       3. On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like
>          regular soap."  [And that would be how...?]
>
>       4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving
>          suggestions:Defrost."  [But it's *just* a suggestion]
>
>       5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom
>          of box):"Do not turn upside down". [Oops, too late!]
>
>       6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will
>          be hot after heating". [As sure as night follows the
>          day ]
>
>       7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes
>          on body". [But wouldn't this save even more time?]
>
>       8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not
>          drive a car or operate machinery after taking =this
>          medication. [We could do a lot to reduce the rate of
>          construction accidents if we could just get those
>          5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.]
>
>       9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness"
>          [One would hope]
>
>      10. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor
>          or outdoor use only". [As opposed to what?]
>
>      11. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used
>          for the other use". [I gotta admit, I'm curious].
>
>      12. On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains
>          nuts".[NEWS FLASH]
>
>      13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
>          "Instructions: open packet, eat nuts."
>          [Step 3: Fly Delta]
>
>      14. On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this
>          garment does not enable you to fly". [I don't
>          blame the company. I do blame parents for this one!]
>
>
>
>
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